Obama is no Santa...

Yes, my fellow citizens, in spite of the lofty rhetoric from our 44th president, he is no Santa. I admire his optimism, but better to be a realist than to be simply an optimist. There won't be any presents under the tree when we wake up in the morning. We all have to pay the bill collectors our long-overdue debts. We are not going back to the 'good old days' of unchecked consumerism that we all have falsely enjoyed. So, buckle up, be brave, and, most of all, keep your dreams alive! Might be your only salvation in this troubled times.

Cultural conditioning

I think about cultural conditioning a lot nowadays. I am realizing more and more how profound the effect of cultural conditioning is in our lives. And yet we are mostly oblivious to it. I'll be writing more about this topic in the future. Stay tuned....

Implicit Associations

I just completed a few tests online that reveal my implicit associations. And, frankly, some of the results I got are disturbing. You see, the test results revealed that I am not as fair as I thought I was. For example, as with most of the people who have taken the test, the result of my Race IAT test revealed that I strongly associate Good with White people and strongly associate Bad with Black people. The interesting thing about this particular test is that the results that I got are true across the board out of all test takers, regardless of their race. In other words, even black people themselves statistically get the same results that I got. You can make your own conclusion about why most people have this implicit bias. I have mine: the culture that I am in, which is largely affected, and in many ways, dictated by the media, has a far-deeper effect in our psyche than we want to believe and accept.

There are other tests as well, with results that may be equally disturbing. You have to take the tests to find out how 'fair' you think you are and compare your assessment to what the test reveals.

The value, though, of finding our hidden, or not so hidden, biases is that when we find these biases then we are able to address the implications of these biases in our day-to-day actions and choices, if we choose to.

Here's the link:

https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/

sexual attraction

Sex. It can be beautiful. It can be terrifying. It's sometimes messy. But it is perfectly normal.

Attraction

Most of us guys when we meet a woman and we are sexually attracted to her (which happens almost all the time) we try to hide our sexual attraction (except when we are drunk or outside of our normal environment) without even thinking about it. Have you ever given thought as to why you do this? In my case, I've come to the conclusion that it must be because of the deep religious and cultural conditioning that was drilled into me a long long time ago when I was still a little boy going to an all boy's catholic school. I am sure that there are other factors besides the two that I mentioned, but I am not consciously aware of them. At any rate, my investigation in this important aspect of life is an on-going process. Anyway, at this point it does not really matter what those causes were, what matters is that: I know that I have been conditioned to think that sex is dirty, wrong and only to be done in a very specific life context (to procreate inside of a marriage), and that I am starting to undo this conditioning's long-lasting negative effects.

Deception

So what happens when a guy meets a woman that he is attracted to? He automatically suppresses the sexual energy that he feels. He presents himself as someone who wants to be friends with her, someone who is safe. That's the energy he puts out consciously. As a result this is how she is going to see you - someone who wants to be friends with her, someone safe, someone gender-less. To most guys this sounds normal and okay. But the effect is that you have ruined the chances of the two of you becoming sexual. In reality it is a deception. Because your real objective, your M.O., behind the deception is to get her to trust you as a friend and then when you have earned her trust and friendship you are going to then let her know that you are attracted to her and then ambush her with your sexual overtones. She then gets confused and you get angry and bitter. At this stage it is almost impossible for her to see you sexually and become attracted to you in that way. If you are in this familiar situation, don't blame her. It is most likely your fault. Learn your lesson, walk away and deal with your pain yourself. Let that pain be a reminder of your deception. Don't worry about hurting her feelings - women are a lot stronger emotionally than men give them credit for. Of course I'm oversimplifying the scenario. There are infinite variations of the story, but that's the gist. I know because I have many of these stories.

Attraction generation - be real

Now, if you want to be real with a woman it's pretty simple. From the first moment you meet her let her see you right away as a sexual being from the very beginning of your interaction. Let your sexual attraction towards her show with your actions and the energy you put out. Don't say it, do it. Let her know it. Don't hide it. No deception. I don't mean for you to grab her breasts or her ass. Don't disrespect her! It's wrong! What you do is to tease her. Bust her balls. Flirt with her. Don't let her get away with being a brat, a snob, a bitch. Don't be too nice to her. Don't tell her she's pretty. Don't tell her you're attracted to her. That's usually all manipulative. And be light and easy about all this. Make it fun for you and her. Don't be serious. Just play. But Always be respectful. Women understand this language. This is what they respond to.

Don't get me wrong though - I am not saying that you should be a jerk or be dishonest. That's what bad boys do. Be honest and sincere with her, but don't become a wuss. You want to be a man that she can trust and respect.

Women want to be led

Once you have her attention and you know that she knows that you are sexually attracted to her, then you have to lead her each step of the way. All the way to your goal. If she's really into you and she's the pro-active type she'll help you out along the way. That's nice. But don't count on it. And don't get used to it. She could turn a different direction at any moment. She's going to test you. And she might not even be conscious of it. That's just evolution at work. So don't complain about her testing you. Look at her tests as a sign that she is interested; otherwise she won't bother. So always be ready for anything.

Test her

You too should be testing her all along. Wouldn't you want to know if the she's the type of woman that would be good to be with right from the beginning? I personally want a woman who is sincere and honest, intelligent, imaginative, open-minded, has a high self-esteem and loyal. So I look for signs that she has these qualities from the beginning so as not to waste my time and energy. And I test her to see how she responds to different situations. Oftentimes you only get to know a person's true character under duress.

You are the man - love women

Always remember that you are the man. If you lead she will follow. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, because you will. If things don't work out with her consider it as a life lesson and then you move on and get on with the business of living, until you become comfortable with walking away from any woman; until you become the man that really loves women.

Good luck!

The unconscious sponge

Do you think that you are in control of your life? I'm sorry to say that you might be mistaken. We have the five senses: sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste. And, in addition, we have a sixth sense: the feeling sense. All these senses are constantly bombarded with information coming from the outside. Even when we are asleep information is still coming in. We see, hear, smell, touch, taste and feel while we are awake and while we are asleep every moment of our life. The only time we really stop information from coming in is when we die. We have no control over what information we let in. We are like a sponge. We absorb information that our senses can detect. We have very little control over what we don't let in. This means that we are full of information. And this universe of information is where our conscious and unconscious choices and actions are derived from. Most of it is unconscious though. This has profound implications! Do you see that? We really have to be extremely careful about the choices that we make and actions that we take because oftentimes we don't know why we do what we do. It is sobering to think how unconscious we are in light of this realization. At the same time we cannot use this discovery as an excuse. We still have to do the best we can in every situation.

Tango

I attended my first intermediate tango class last night. I first took the basic class for a few weeks. The fact that I am now an intermediate class student means that the teacher deems me good enough to move on. Nice work! I have taken tango classes before, when I used to live in Boston. It was different then. Looking back, I didn't feel that I really learn tango then. I did learn some steps, no doubt. But I didn't learn about the tango philosophy, the tango lifestyle. This is what I am learning now. And the difference is the teachers. In Boston my teacher was an American woman who learned tango here and who occasionally goes to Argentina to dance tango. She was a nice person. But she's not Argentinian! Therein lies the difference. My teacher now is an older Argentinian gentleman. He likes to talk. He talks mostly about the tango culture - the Argentinian culture. As a matter of fact, in the first few classes he talked more than have us dance. His technique works! It gets people to embrace the culture, at least when they are in class. I don't necessarily buy into all that culture stuff. But in the context of dancing tango I can see why embodying the tango culture helps. At the very least embodying this culture, this tango attitude, allows you to free yourself from the conservative and sometimes rigid way in which our American relates to dance, to sexuality. Tango is a very sensual dance. In order for you to dance it freely, you need to allow yourself to express your sensuality.

Now, how does dancing tango relate to being a full grown man? To be full grown man means that one is not afraid of one's sensual side। In tango there is definitely a polarity. A great tango couple becomes one when they dance. But there is a distinct feminine and a distinct masculine in this oneness. A full grown man knows which one he is, but he is not afraid to express the other and he is not afraid to embrace the other.

Blink

I started reading Malcolm Gladwell's book titled "Blink". I am fascinated by the premise of the book. His contention is that decisions that we make are oftentimes done in a "blink" (of an eye). They are decisions that happen not thru our conscious (or deliberate) thought, but thru the unconscious. I used to do massage therapy and I learned about the sympathetic and para-sympathetic nervous systems. One of them is automatic and the other one is not. I can't remember which is which. I wonder if these bodily systems are somehow connected to the conscious and unconscious mind?

On the one hand it is reassuring that most processes that happen to us are handled automatically by our unconscious mind, on the other hand it is scary to consider that a lot of our actions and choices might not be out of free will, but rather, automatic responses that our unconscious mind handle to save our conscious mind from the burden of having to weigh and deliberate options that might otherwise cause the choice or action to be delayed, to our detriment.

Just something to ponder. But I want to warn you that according to Gladwell introspection might not be that useful after all. It might just cloud our objectivity. If there is such a thing, after all.